Jan. 31st, 2008

I woke up in pain at about 9 o'clock am. Initially, I thought something was wrong, but when the pain subsided every now and then I felt okay about it. My back was a nightmare for the last few weeks anyway. I decided to call my doctor just to be sure. As soon as I said the words, "It only hurts for a little bit, then the pain goes away, but then it hurts again..." I felt like an idiot. The nurse laughed, then told me to head up to the hospital because, of course, I was in labor! In my defense, HEY, it was my first time! I put on one of my boyfriends t-shirts and my pajama pants, grabbed my bag, woke the said boyfriend up, and started to freak out. The pain was debilitating about every four minutes. The temperature was in the sixties and the sun had been out all week. So, I decided to just wear my slippers. As soon as we had all of our hospital stay needs together we started for the door. It was snowing. The roads were icy and the temperature was freezing. Of course, the baby had to come on a day like that. I later found that was only the beginning of how difficult this child was going to be. I begged my boyfriend to not take the highway. I am very much a worst case scenario type person. If something bad is going to happen I think it's always going to happen to me. That day, I was afraid of sliding off the highway on the icy roads, and then delivering my baby with only the boyfriend and NO drugs to administer the ripping of the new one. To tell the truth, as soon as my doctor told me in the middle of July that my due date was in January that was my worst fear. As soon as Billy got the car parked and joined me inside, together, we found the birth center. The lady at the desk asked, "How can I help you." Excited because it was finally time, I said, "I think we're having a baby." She quickly congratulated me then got down to business. She showed me where to go to. It was called a "triage". There, I waited in pain, while the nurses made sure I was truly in labor. Which only means they watch you suffer and "check you" every now and then. (The checking part hurt worse than the actual birth.) During that time I cussed at Billy when he tried to speak to me, concentrated on nothing, and listened to some ghetto girl talk on the phone behind a curtain in the same room. Luckily, that hell only lasted and hour and a half. A nurse soon came in announced that I was at four centimeters, and ready for drugs! I gathered my things and tried to keep my ass from hanging out of my gown while I walked to another room. Little did I know, that would be the room I would have my baby just 9 hours later. It was then time to call everyone. Even though we forgot The List, we got everyone called, and THEY ALL showed up by 6 o'clock. There were about twenty people in my hospital room filing in and filing out every time a nurse thought it was time to "check me". Which didn't hurt anymore, because I had gotten my beautiful drugs... The guy who administer my epidural was quite a hottie. I wish I had shaved my legs that day. Oh, well. Only joking, Billy, I love you. Just before giving me the epidural he told me of all the risks. I worried a little when I heard you could lose the ability to go to the bathroom ... Forever. I also worried after the fact when I couldn't move my left leg for 15 hours. Anyways- At that point my nephew, Bobby 8 years old, reminded me that I owed him 10 dollars every few minutes, and I wondered how long you had to lay on a bed to get bed sores. I was going on 7 hours, but I guess I sleep longer than that. But not in the same position. Around 9 o'clock it was time to get 'em out. Everyone but my sister Beth, daddy Billy, and his momma Cindy left the room. I pushed for about an hour and a half then I felt an odd lack of pressure. Then, I heard him. He sounded like my favorite song. They put him on my chest just like in the movies. He was nice to look at, but I didn't want to touch him 'til they cleaned him off. Yes, I loved my son from the second I saw him, but that doesn't mean I wanted to touch him with the ick all over him. I really wanted to kiss him, but I was patient. They took him to a corner of the room to test him. Make sure we made a great baby that could breathe on his own, and demonstrate good reflexes. I later heard my step-mother told someone at the door of my room that she "forgot her jacket." That would explain why she appeared in the room all of a sudden so she could see the baby, while the doc was .... well... While, okay, it was personal. I didn't want anyone in there! Sneaky woman! After his first bath, which Billy took a million pictures of, they brought him back to me so I could nurse him for the very first time. He took to it amazingly, while the nurse told me I had perfect nipples. I wasn't sure if I should thank her, but I didn't think anyone would give me such a compliment again. So, I didn't want to miss the opportunity. I thanked her. I always knew I had a nice pair. ; ) After that first bonding experience, I didn't want to let him out of my sight. I didn't take a shower, I didn't offer for anyone to hold him. (If they asked, I let them.) I didn't let the nurses take him at night so I could sleep. I didn't need sleep, I had my baby! I was uneasy every time a nurse needed to take him out of my room for a test or a shot. ; ) I kept thinking, 'Now that he's here, I'm never letting him go!' Should have named him Jack. Ha ha When it came time to leave the hospital Billy had to work, so his dad and Debbie drove me and the baby home. They stayed while I took my first shower in four days. Not joking, I was pretty stinky. Being at home was nice, but I all of a sudden felt lost. There was no longer a nurse to buzz when he cried. Although there was a little extension of me right there, I felt very alone. During my hospital stay I was only alone for maybe a couple hours. Someone stayed with me pretty much the whole time. Don't know what I would have done if they hadn't. Things got better though. After a while I no longer looked like I had no idea what I was doing, and things even got a little easier. Today 14 weeks later, I feel like a pro. It's really hard some days, but when he does something for the first time or when he smiles back at me, I know it's all worth the time, energy, and tears I have shed.... I love him so much sometimes I cry when I think about him. In a good way. Ha ha An amazing way.